Question 6 on Thirty Things: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
This one is both easy and hard to answer. Easy, because I know immediately, without having to think, what the hardest thing I’ve experienced was. Hard, because to this day speaking about it, writing about it makes it real, makes me sad, makes me dwell.
So what is it? My dad dying of heart disease when I was 14. We were close. I was a real daddy’s girl. Losing him was the scariest, hardest, thing I have had to deal with. And at 14 (already such a tumultuous age for a girl – or even a boy) it was terrifying. At the age when most teens hate their parents and some even wish they were dead “because you’re ruining my life/you’re so unfair mom/dad” I was wishing I had my dad back. Wishing he were there to make me and others laugh. Wishing he were there to protect me and my mom. Just wishing he were there.
It was during the early stages of the mourning process when I think I “grew up”. I realised the people (family, friends) around us all the time during those early days just after his – the ones my mother begged to stay and chat for just a little while longer – needed to go back to their own lives and that we (mom and I that is) needed to adjust to our new situation. We needed to move on, move forward.
Writing this was hard too. It’s hard to be vulnerable.